What classic show is worth binge watching this week?
Nothing defined the 1990′s quite like Melrose Place. Well…a lot of things defined the 1990′s such as horrible fashion, bad highlights and electric guitars but nothing represented all things 90′s better than FOX’s mega hit series that ran from 1993 until 1999.
Nothing gets me out of the 2013 doldrums quite like revisiting one of my favorite shows from childhood. Yes, at the age of eleven I watched this shit show with my mother and brother and I am not ashamed of it. Watching it again as an adult, I can see why I loved it so much as a child, because it is simply one of the best television shows to ever grace the airways.
For those of you who don’t know what Melrose Place is (and you’re dead to me) – the premise is simple because it’s basically the same premise as Knots Landing only with twenty-somethings. A group of professionals all living in an apartment complex struggling to deal with hardships of living in West Hollywood and sleeping with anyone within earshot circa 1993. The first season was pretty tame. Story lines all began and ended within the same episode and difficult subjects such as “Jane has a bad day at work” and “Billy learns a valuable life lesson” were tackled. When that formal proved to be boring as shit two geniuses who went by the names Aaron Spelling and Darren Star created two characters that would forever change the landscape of television as we knew it: Amanda Woodward and Kimberly Shaw.
By the time the second season began, producers had gotten rid of the dead weight (the boring dumb blond slut from Cry Baby and the token black girl) and ramped up story lines involving Amanda Woodward, the head bitch in charge at D&D Advertising and now owner of Melrose Place and Kimberly Shaw, the doctor who was so mentally unstable she made Charles Manson look like Mother Theresa. Story lines arched and continued for more than one episode and a craze was born. “What are the fucking nut bags on Melrose Place doing this Monday?” was a frequent question asked by…well, everyone, everywhere every Monday from then on. And the dialogue. Oh, the dialogue on Melrose Place was incomparable and most of the time it came hurling out of Amanda’s mouth: “When God was handing out business sense, Jane was in the back of the line getting her nails done.” Brilliant.
What makes this show so bingeable are the following words: Heather Locklear. Not since Joan Collins on Dynasty had someone nailed such a bitch on wheels role quite like she did. Her acting is actually amazing because she was always in on the joke. She was literally, always stirring shit up with EVERYONE. She was such a bitch and everyone who ever ended up crossing her mysteriously ended up dead or in a coma. Brilliant.
Most bingeable seasons:
Seasons two through four. Melrose Place really didn’t hit it’s stride until the beginning of season two, although season one had it’s moments. Things got real good during season two when Kimberly was presumed dead and came back with that amazingly horrible wig, Sydney was a call girl and Alison found out that her daddy diddled her right before her wedding to Billy. Feast out on the amazingness because until the end of season four when for whatever reason, show runners decided to kill off a character almost every other episode. Remember those horrible teasers? “Two of these people [every cast members face flashes across the screen] will die. Tune in to Melrose Place tonight at 8pm on FOX.” So ridiculous, but you know my fat ass kept watching regardless.
Granted the show made mistakes. I mean, they killed a pre-Sex and the City Kristin Davis off (which I still haven’t gotten over) and at the end of season five, every major character pretty much jumped ship. Doesn’t matter! It’s still so good and goes down best when watching in doses of eight to ten episodes at a time. Not that I have the time to do that or anything. I will also NEVER for the life of me wrap my head around the fact that Billy and Alison didn’t end up together. Speaking of wasted opportunities — why Jack Wagner how on contract for four years and never belted out a few bars of “All I Need” is beyond my realm of comprehension. I mean, seriously. What the fuck you guys? One thing I did learn from Melrose Place that has stayed with me in adulthood: NEVER ambiguously hug a friend when you’re dating someone. Your boyfriend or girlfriend will always see you no matter what and will most definitely think the worst, thus leading to a series of horrible fights, affairs, shootings and explosions that could last up to six months.
You can binge watch every episode of Melrose Place on NETFLIX. Every episode is available via live streaming on NETFLIX or, you can purchase each season on iTunes for only $14.99. It will be the best $14.99 you ever spend. And vote for your favorite Melrose Place diva below!
What’s worth binging out on while binge watching Melrose Place
California Pizza Kitchen! When I was little, I thought that California Pizza Kitchen was this super fancy restaurant because they never had any around my childhood home. Let me tell you, when they finally opened one in Montgomery Mall, the Rosenberg’s made a fucking beeline for that shit.
Don’t front – it’s good pizza. And because CPK is so fancy, you can purchase frozen pizzas at the grocery store and make them in your very own home now.
You can’t mess with a classic so I suggest gorging out on California Pizza Kitchen’s barbecue chicken pizza and get this: you can buy it online now – so you legit never have to leave your house in order to be a fat ass. Click here to order your own pies. I am pretty sure Amanda and the rest of the Melrose Place gang would approve of savoring this wonderful pizza named after their very own state while watching classic episodes of the greatest show ever on television.
Come back tomorrow for an all new BINGING WITH MARK at 10am EST.
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